Funny Pizza

pangungulangot vs sex.. lols

San nagkatulad ang sex at

pangungulangot

Inusisa ni Totoy ang kanyang tatay.....

Totoy: Bakit po masarap ang sex?

Tatay: Kasi, may kiliti o sensasyon
iyon na
katulad
ng nararamdaman mo pag nangungulangot
ka.

Totoy: Bakit po mas nasasarapan ang mga
babae
kaysa sa mga lalaki sa sex?

Tatay: Gaya ng nasabi ko, ang sex ay
parang
pangungulangot. Kapag nangungulangot
ka, mas
nag-e-enjoy ang iyong ilong kesa sa ang
iyong
daliri.

Totoy: Bakit ayaw po ng mga babae na
ginagahasa
sila?

Tatay: Iyang panggagahasa eh
maihahalintulad sa
naglalakad ka sa kalye, tapos, may
lumapit sa
iyo at kinalikot ang iyong ilong.
Magugustuhan
mo ba iyon?

Totoy: Bakit po ayaw ng mga babae na
makipag-sex
pag nireregla sila?

Tatay: Anak, kapag dinudugo ang ilong
mo,
nangungulangot ka ba?

T otoy: Bakit ayaw po ng mga lalaki na
mag-
condom
kapag nakikipag-sex sila?

Tatay: Ikaw ba eh gusto mong
mangulangot
na may
guwantes ka sa iyong daliri?

Totoy: Bakit po sa pribadong lugar
ginagawa ang
pakikipag-sex?

Tatay: Mangungulangot ka ba sa harapan
ng buong
klase mo? Gago!

How to be Single and Happy

How To Be Single And Happy

CEBUPACIFIC IS NOW ON OFFERING ZERO FAIR

Yes its true! Starting today May 15 until May 18,2008 , you can avail P0.00 at all seat fare.

They had this ZERO comes before JUAN promo for all Domestic and International seats.

Travel Period are from June 9 - December 31, 2008

For further info visit http://www.cebupacificair.com/

Gotta Go My Own Way

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged

It's so hard to say but I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

(Oh)

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall every time
Another color turns to gray
And it's just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away

I'm leaving today 'cause I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

(What about us? What about everything we've been through?)
What about trust?
(You know I never wanted to hurt you)
What about me?
(What am I supposed to do?)
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

Oh I've got to move on and be who I am
(What about us?)
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
(Hope you understand)
(Try to understand)
We might find our place in this world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own way

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
(Try to understand)
We might find our place in this world someday
(World someday)
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way (ooh)
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way

Ways To Know You Are A Filipino (Mannerism and Personality Traits)

1. You point with your lips.
2. You eat using hands and you have it down to a technique.
3. Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
4. You nod upwards to greet someone.
5. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.
6. You think that half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
7. You have to kiss your relative on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
8. You're standing next eight big boxes at the airport.
9. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir."
10. You smile for no reason.
11. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
12. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
13. You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
14. You scratch your head when you don't know the answer.
15. You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
16. You like bowling.
17. You know how to play pusoy and mah-jong.
18. You find dried up morsels of rice stuck on your shirt.
19. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.
20. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e. "Jhun," Bhoy," "Rhon."
21. You put hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
22. Your middle name is your mothers maiden name.
23. You like everything imported or "state-side."
24. You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made before buying.
25. You hang your clothes out to dry.
26. You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
27. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
28. You always offer food to all your visitors.
29. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
30. You say "for take out" instead of "to go"
31. You say "open" or "close" the light.
32. You ask for a "pentel-pen" or a "ball-pen" instead of just "pen."
33. You asked for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
34. You refer to the refrigerator as the "ref" or "pridyider."
35. You say "kodakan" instead of take a picture.
36. You order a McDonald's instead of "hamburger" (pronounced ham-boor-jer)
37. You say "Ha" instead of "What."
38. You say "Hoy" get someone attention.
39. You answer when someone yells "Hoy."
40. You turn around when someone says "Psst"
41. You say "Cutex" instead of "nail polish."
42. You say "he" when you mean "she" and vice versa.
43. You say "array" instead of "ouch."
44. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
45. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA: for over acting or "TNT" for, well, you know.
46. You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
47. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
48. You use a "walis ting-ting" or "walis tambo" as opposed to a conventional broom.
49. You use a "Weapons of Moroland" shield hanging in the living room wall.
50. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room.
51. You own a karaoke system.
52. You own a piano that no one ever plays.
53. You have a tabo in the bathroom.
54. Your house has too many burloloys.
55. You have two to three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
56. Your house has an ornate wrought iron gate in front of it.
57. You have a rose garden.
58. You have a shrine of the "Santo Niño" in your living room.
59. You have a "barrel man" (you pull up the barrel and you see something that looks familiar. Schwing...)
60. You cover the living room furniture with bedsheets.
61. Your lamp shades still have the plastic cover on them.
62. You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.
63. You refer to your VCR as a "beytamax."
64. You have a rice dispenser.
65. You own a turbo boiler.
66. You own one of those fiber optic flower lamps.
67. You own a lamp with oil that drips down the strings.
68. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room.
69. You have a giant wooden tinikling dancer on the wall.
70. You have capiz shells chandeliers, lamps, or placemats.
71. You have a Mercedes Benz and you call it "chedeng."
72. You own a huge van conversion.
73. Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it is in reverse.
74. Your car horn can make 2 or 3 different sounds.
75. Your car has curb feelers or curb detectors.
76. Your car has too many "burloloys" like a Jeepneys back in P.I.
77. You hang a rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
78. You have an air freshener in your car.
79. You have aunts and uncles named "Baby," "Girlie," or "Boy."
80. You were raised to believe that every Filipino is a aunt, uncle or cousin.
81. Your Dad was in the Navy.
82. Your mom or sister or wife is a nurse.
83. You have a family member or relative that works in the Post Office.
84. Your parents call each other "Mommy" and "Daddy" or "ma" and "pa."
85. You have family member that has a nickname that repeats itself, i.e."Deng-Deng," Ling-Ling" or "Bing-Bing"
86. You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
87. You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to French fries.
88. You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.
89. You order thing like tapsilog, tocsilog, or longsilog at restaurants.
90. You instinctively grab a toothpick after each meal.
91. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
92. You dip bread in your morning coffee.
93. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutamate as "Ajinomoto."
94. Your cupboards are full of Spam, Vienna Sausage, Ligo, and Corned Beef, which you refer to as Karne Norte.
95. Goldilocks means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
96. You appreciate a fresh pot of rice.
97. You bring your "baon" most of the time to work.
98. Your "baon" is usually something over rice.
99. Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.
100. You eat rice for breakfast.
101. You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.

Girly Thoughts....

smile beautifully, smile big, smile confidently, and everyone thinks you’ve got all kinds of secret things going on. and that keeps them wanting more. and when they want more, your automatically interesting.
- paris hilton

every woman should have four pets in her life. a mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, and a jackass who pays for it all.
- paris hilton

all you have to do in life is go out with your friends,
party hard and look twice as good as the bitch standing next to you.
- paris hilton

a wise girl kisses but doesn’t love.
listens but doesn’t believe.
and leaves before she is left.
- marilyn monroe

your clothes should
be tight enough to
show you're a woman
but loose enough to
show you're a lady.
- marilyn monroe

i'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.
i make mistakes, i am out of control and at times hard to handle.
but if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- marilyn monroe

the only way to accept an insult is to ignore it
if you can’t ignore it, top it
if you can’t top it, laugh at it
if you can’t laugh at it, you probably deserved it.

the best friends are the ones you don't have to talk to everyday,
who understand why you didn't take their advice to not call him
or why you keep going back to him after he breaks your heart.
the ones who call you at four AM to let you know they're drunk,
who listen when they've heard the same story a thousand times,
the ones who call just to say hi, and whether you're dancing on the table or passed out drunk, they'll turn & say, hell yeah,
that's my best friend.

i don't forgive people because I’m weak.
i forgive people because I’m strong enough to know that people make mistakes.

It’s not a lie if you believe it;
it's not a mistake if you repeat it.

- Slave To My Vices by Taking Back Sunday

second chances mean nothing if you didn't learn from your mistake.

a drunk girls actions are a sober girls thoughts.

let's have a toast to us girls and the guys that have us,
the losers who left us, and to the lucky bastards who are going to meet us.

a girl really only needs three things;
love to make her weak, alcohol to make her strong,
and best friends to pick her up when both make her hit the floor.

life's one big party and were the girls dancing on the tables.

remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground.
the worst thing you could get from boys was cooties.
your worst enemy were you siblings.
race issues were who ran the fastest.
war was a card game.
the only drug you knew was cough medicine.
and wearing a skirt didn't mean you were a slut.
the only thing that hurt were skinned knees.
and the only things that can get broken were your toys.
life was simple and carefree,
but what i remember the most
was wanting to grow up.

you can have it all; just not all at once.

your that guy, the on that no matter how many more guys i go through i'll always have a thing for you.
for the first time in my life i know how it feels not to get what i want.
and not being able to do anything about it.

you unbutton my pants and whisper the sweetest things in my ear.
my shirt comes off you tell me you'll always love me.
we'll see how long those words last.

that's the trick; you can't care too much.
it's good to have guys like you, but always, always keep a distance.

good girls blush during a naughty scene in a movie;
bad girls grin because we know we can do it better.

get drunk, get crunk,
live your life with no regrets because the bad times aren't worth reliving.

the biggest mistake you can make is to drift apart from someone you once had
the time of your life with.

doubt me and i'll prove you wrong.
tell me what to do and i'll tell you off.
say i'm not worth it and watch where i end up.
call me a bitch and i'll show you one.
screw me over and i'lll do it to you twice as bad.

it was a nice night but maybe that's all it ever was. one night, maybe that's all we can ever be.

hang over never hurt us
were crippled by regrets
apologizing for the lies we never meant
we can't forget where we've been
its not starting over, its starting again.

knowing is better than wondering.
waking is better than sleeping.
and even the biggest failure
beats the hell out of never trying.
- grey's anatomy

it's drinking away the summer days
a moment in time we can't replace
i won't let my life go to waste
that's my philosophy

a simple friend wonders
about your romantic
history.
a real friend
could blackmail you with it.

don’t settle for the one who kisses your ass.
wait for the one who pushes your buttons and pisses you off on a daily bases.
love isn’t suppose to be easy.
it’s suppose to be worth it.



you're an asshole.
but i think i'm getting used to you.
i like that fact that you talk incessantly.
i got a thing for assholes who tell good stories.
i think that drinking is the only think you can do right.
you're gonna self-destruct.
i think that's what i like.

it's not how you get up,
its how you get down.

i hate how we don't talk for weeks, but then all of a sudden you talk to me again and it's like as if nothing happened.
and i slowly start falling for you all over again.

if he's dumb enough to walk away then be smart enough to let him go.

men were born to lie and women were born to believe them.

nobody forgets what happens. the secret is learning to live with it.

a real friend isn't the person that's nice to your face.
it's the person that's nice to you behind your back.

i don't believe in the word "regret"
i believe in the phrase;
you fucked up and now you learned from it.

you said you'd love me until the day you die; as far as i know, you're still alive.

here's to summing up the last three years in the words of a song.
here's to your thoughts being whispered in my ear all day.
here's to the plaid blankets you used to lay on all the time.
here's to us being referred to in the past tense.

Bob Ong's Quotes

I haven't read any books of Bob Ongs but I really enjoyed reading his quotes. Here are sample quotes from his books.

"Ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko." "Hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"

"...mas marami pa s'yang alam kesa sa nakasulat sa Transcript of Records n'ya, mas marami pa s'yang kayang gawin kesa sa nakalista sa resume n'ya, at mas mataas ang halaga n'ya kesa sa presyong nakasulat sa payslip n'ya tuwing sweldo."

"...madaming teacher sa labas ng eskwelahan. desisyon mo kung kanino ka magpapaturo."

"nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

"mag-aral maigi; kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka sa pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher."

"...ayokong sabihing susubok naman ako ng iba. walang "iba". wala akong iiwan, meron lang babalikan. Kung meron mang iba sa ginawa ko, yun ay ang Bobong Pinoy. Kung may magsasabi man sa hinaharap na: "Sana nagpatawa ka na lang!" Yun ay opinyong handa kong tanggapin. Marami ang kaya at pwedeng gumawa ng mga isinusulat ko ngayon para sa mga mambabasa, pero ang gusto kong isulat at gawin para sa sarili, walang pwedeng tumupad kundi ako. Inumpisahan ko ang dialogue sa ikatlong libro para ipakilala sa mambabasa ang fiction. Umatras pa 'ko ng bahagya sa ikaapat para mas maging kumportable sila dito. Sa mga susunod pa, pwede na siguro ako magtangka ng maikling kwento o nobela. Tulad ng pagsusulat ko, ayoko rin kasi malimitahan ang pagbabasa ng mga tao sa iisang klase ng libro..."

"iba ang informal gramar sa mali!!!"

"Masama akong tao, tulad mo, sa parehong paraan na mabuti kang tao, tulad ko."

"kung kabayo gagawa ng libro mahirap maging palaging politically correct para sa mga damo"

"kung ako ay isang walang kwentang manunulat, english ang isusulat ko, para kahit anu anu ang sabihin ko hindi na nila mahahalata.. kaya nga ako nagsulat sa tagalog para maintindihan ng mambabasa ang lahat ng sinasabi ko"

"Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling mag-breakdance. Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."

"hikayAtin m0 LahAt ng kakilala m0 na mAgkaro0n kahit isA man lang paboritong libro sa bu0ng buhay nilA..dahil walA ng mas nakakaawa pa sa mga ta0ng literado per0 hindi nagbabAsa "

"kung paniniwalaan namin kayo na hindi naglaro ng tubig kahit na basa ang damit n'yo, kayo ang niloloko namin; hindi kayo ang nakapanloloko."

"dalawang dekada ka lang mag-aaral. kung 'di mo pagtityagaan, limang dekada ng kahirapan ang kapalit.sobrang luri. kung alam lang 'yan ng mga kabataan, sa pananaw ko ehh walang gugustuhing umiwas sa eskwela."

"Para san ba ang cellphone na may camera?Kung kailangan sa buhay un, dapat matagal na kong patay."

"iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala"

"mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala"

"Titingnan mo ba ang basong kalahating bawas o kalahating puno?"

"hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan"

"Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali, alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?"

"Pare, isa kang totoong tao at walang halong kasinungalingan. In English, FACT you, pare. Totoo ka. In English, FACT you!"

" Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo! "

" Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa’yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili. "

" Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi. wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon. Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson? "

" Sabi nila, sa kahit ano raw problema, isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa’yo – ang sarili mo. Tama sila. Isinuplong ako ng sarili ko. Kaya siguro namigay ng konsyensya ang Diyos, alam niyang hindi sa lahat ng oras e gumagana ang utak ng tao. "

" Hikayatin mo lahat ng kakilala mo na magkaroon ng kahit isa man lang paboritong libro sa buhay nila. Dahil wala nang mas kawawa pa sa mga taong literado pero hindi nagbabasa. "

"Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."

"Obligasyon kong maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta sa kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko."

"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras."

"Masama akong tao, tulad mo, sa parehong paraan na mabuti kang tao, tulad ko."

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

Its Mother's Day and I'm missing my mom.

M - is for the MEMORIES we have spent together until the your last breath, I will always cherish that.
O - is for ONE and ONLY person who gave me so much love, care and understanding.
T - is for TEACHING me all about living the complicated life.
H - is for the HEART that never stops loving me/us.
E - is for the ENDLESS ENERGY you provide us just to see us happy.
R - is for RESPONSIBLE, you never let us down, even though your personally not with us anymore still you are always looking for me/us.

I miss you Mom, I know that wherever you are now you are happy. You'll always be in our heart. I love you Mom!

TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE: ITS YOUR DAY!
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!